The Glass is Always Full

When I got married 49 years ago, I was given very little advice about how to deal with in-laws.   What I do remember, though, is that we just kind of naturally knew how it worked.   As I read this week’s lesson material, not much has changed.   What we knew then by example or common sense, is now spelled out.   I’m glad to see this.   I think less is assumed today, and having a written manual would be very helpful for newly engaged or married couples. When my husband and I became engaged, we knew we would need to come up with a plan to share holidays between both parents. The first year was easy because Christmas Eve was more important to my parents than Christmas Day, and Christmas Day was more important to his parents.   Both families equally valued Thanksgiving, but his family also had a tradition of a relaxing buffet of leftovers and extra goodies the day after Thanksgiving. We got the best of both worlds. He loved and respected my parents a...

The subject this week was on unity in marriage and becoming one.  Much good advice was given about counseling together as husband and wife and presenting a united front to children.  Other advice was about how to counsel together and the equality of husband wife.  One principle in particular stood out to me, and that is best described in this quote by President Spencer W. Kimball: “. . .all intimacies should be kept in great secrecy and privacy from others. . . Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks.  You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel, you appreciate their association, but you live your own lives, being governed by your decision, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it.”   And also from President Kimball: “Well-meaning relatives have broken up many a home.  Numerous divorces are attributable to the interference of parents...

The subject this week was about sexual intimacy in marriage.   I found the subject very interesting even though I’ve been single for over 25 years.   But what impressed me the most was a related topic that was covered about unfaithfulness.   Having been a victim of this, I was immediately drawn in.   What interested me most, was the idea of emotional infidelity .   Emotional infidelity often leads to sexual infidelity, but can be more damaging to a marriage than a sexual affair even when it doesn’t get physical.    In John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , he lists a Progression of Unfaithfulness: ·          Behaviors that seem innocent (i.e., missionary work, doing good, helping in some capacity) ·          An affection grows that claims part of one’s heart ·          Extramarital flirting. ...

One of our reading assignments this week was the final chapter in Goddard’s Book, Drawing Heaven Into Your marriage.   It is titled simply, Charity .   I have to admit, my eyes began to roll back into my head. I have read and studied so much on this topic from all different angles. Before I started to feel guilty for my attitude, I dove in and began to read.   I can honestly say I have gained a new and enlightened perspective on the subject of charity.   Goddard gives a great description of what charity is, and is not.   He uses an example straight from the scriptures of how to see others as Christ sees them.   He explains what charity looks like in real life. And finally he tells us how we get it.   I wish every human being could read this short chapter on charity.   It would change lives.   In my head I began to think of ways to present this material to my family in a way that they could absorb it without thinking they were getting...

I’ve heard it before, but it’s easy to forget.   Anger is a choice.   While it seems that sometimes anger chooses us, it’s our choice of how we react to it. If you’re like me, you almost feel obligated to react in anger over some things.   In other words, you feel justified.   Some things are so inappropriate that it wouldn’t seem right not to react in anger.   Sometimes we call it righteous indignation.   I guess there can be a fine difference.   But even calling it by a different name, if we react to ones we love in a way that attacks them or even their behavior, it’s not a loving approach and does not built up, but instead tears down our relationship and the person. At the worst, we have damaged a relationship, possibly permanently.   At best, we’ve chosen to bypass an opportunity to show love, even while correcting or challenging someone’s behavior. As I started to read an article by Elder Lynn G. Robbins about having the power to c...

I had an interesting experience last night.   My son had taken on a new project that was a complete fail.   In trying to help him feel better, I told him that he shouldn’t expect his first project to be perfect and to expect some mistakes until he became experienced.   I thought this would take the pressure off him and make him feel better.   This angered him and I felt completely misunderstood in my intentions.   It was late and he stormed off to bed.   First I was stunned, then I was hurt, and then I was angry.   I knew it would be awhile before I could sleep.   I thought of trying to clear the air so I could sleep, but I had made about three attempts already to explain my comments, with the result of making him even more angry.   Finally I decided I would try one more time to explain so I could sleep in peace.   But I realized I would be doing it for my own comfort, not his.   I was still upset that he didn’t see the good ...