The Glass is Always Full

A quote from our class readings impressed me so strongly this week that I’d like to focus my post on it.  “ When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place  or drop out of our lives. ”    ~Ezra Taft Benson When I Googled “Put God First,” another famous person is currently noted for spreading that exact message.      In his speeches to graduating students, Denzel Washington makes the point that first and foremost you should put God first in your life and everything that you do.   Then he goes on to list other worthy points for meaningful and successful living.   I bring that up because this isn’t just an LDS or even Christian principle.   I completely believe in this principle.   Sometimes our lives and our problems can get very complicated.   When that happens, it’s great to have experts to turn to who have spent lives and careers on finding proven answers and ideas to help us un...

In this week’s readings, the principle of "Fondness and Admiration" was stressed as being important, and even key to a marriage.   This really resonated with me.   In Gottman’s book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” this is his Principle #2.   “Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. . . .If fondness and admiration are completely missing, reviving the relationship is impossible.” As I revealed in my first post, I was married for over 16 years in an LDS temple marriage, which later ended in divorce.   You may now be predicting that fondness and admiration were missing from my marriage, or at least died in some way, never to be revived. You would be wrong.   Our marriage was built on fondness and admiration, and we were eternal friends and companions throughout our marriage.   The reason I know this is a sound principle is because that eternal friendship not only survive...

We are beginning to study two books as texts for successful marriage.  Both books complement each other, and both books offer steps to improve marriages, whether they are in trouble or not.  “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” by Gottman is a practical guide for any marriage.  “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage,” by Goddard is just what the title implies, making marriage a partnership with God. After reading only a few chapters, I’m excited to learn the concepts of these two books.  I think they work well hand in hand.  But one thing I noticed and believe, is that if you become really good at making your marriage a partnership with God, you probably have the principles in the other book covered, or at least they will be mastered with less effort.  It’s the idea, like I explored in my last post, that if you build on a good foundation, all other things can be added. Without that foundation, it would be harder, if not impossible, to maintain...

This week in our class we explored some demographics in our own extended families by working with what is called a genogram.   It’s like a genealogy pedigree chart, but gives you the opportunity to track different aspects of each couple and their family members.   I decided to track temple (eternal) marriages, civil marriages (until death do us part), and other cohabiting partnerships.   I also noted things like alcoholism and abuse.   But for this post I want to just look at the marriage demographic. First of all, the results were a little surprising to me.   Divorces (or breakups) were almost equally spread among all the types of marriages and domestic arrangements. There were fewer divorces in the larger families, who also happened to be farmers and country dwellers.   There were more divorces in the smaller families, who also happened to be city dwellers. There were fewer divorces in the temple covenant marriages.  Successful cohab...

   vs.     This week we are examining the Supreme Court ruling on marriage, which is officially called Obergefell v. Hodges.  Notice I called it the Supreme Court ruling on marriage and not the Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage.  The ruling affected all marriage, not just legalizing new forms of marriage.  But before I go there, I want to back up and try to explore my own feelings on the subject. My first awareness of gay relationships was in middle school.  There were rumors that my very favorite teacher was gay.  He wasn’t openly gay, and nobody really knew for sure.  A couple of years later in high school, it seemed to be a well-known, but only whispered, fact, that my school counselor and my P.E. teacher were lifelong companions.  I had no conflicts or confusion over these discoveries.  Life was full of experiences outside of what I was taught to be right.  And although I knew that these relationships weren’t ...

I just started a new class this semester on Marriage.  Our first topic is Divorce.  Starting out studying divorce is like jumping into the deep end of this class.  I have been divorced twice, once after 16 years of an LDS temple marriage, and then after a second marriage that lasted a very short time.   It was interesting to compare the findings of the State of the Union Report on Marriage, as well as other secular experts, to the advice of our LDS Church leaders.  For the most part, they bear each other out.  What is missing from the secular reports is the spiritual perspective. I couldn't have survived divorce without the spiritual perspective and support from my church and ecclesiastical leaders.  Even with basically having no choice in the decision (you can't force someone to stay in a marriage they are determined to leave), it was the most painful period of my life, and continues to bring emotional distress at times as new consequences ...