Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage

We are beginning to study two books as texts for successful marriage.  Both books complement each other, and both books offer steps to improve marriages, whether they are in trouble or not.  “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” by Gottman is a practical guide for any marriage.  “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage,” by Goddard is just what the title implies, making marriage a partnership with God.
After reading only a few chapters, I’m excited to learn the concepts of these two books.  I think they work well hand in hand.  But one thing I noticed and believe, is that if you become really good at making your marriage a partnership with God, you probably have the principles in the other book covered, or at least they will be mastered with less effort.  It’s the idea, like I explored in my last post, that if you build on a good foundation, all other things can be added. Without that foundation, it would be harder, if not impossible, to maintain and sustain a lasting marriage. 
The Gottman book starts out with some of the reasons marriages fail, and how to tell if a marriage is in trouble.  He even has a very dependable way to predict divorce by observing a couple for just a few minutes.  His seven principles start with the next chapter, so maybe each chapter can become a future blog post.
The first chapter of Goddard’s book establishes the principle that marriage is ordained of God.  I know that if a couple starts their marriage firmly believing in that premise, that they have a solid foundation to build on.  He believes that the keys to a successful marriage are found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and that there is no other place to find the solution.  Does this exclude the seven steps found in the Gottman plan?  No, they fit nicely with drawing heaven into a marriage. Goddard points out that if marriage and family are the major purpose for our creation and existence, then the principles of the gospel are all designed to bring success to those relationships.  According to him, 
"Perhaps we have badly underestimated the power of the doctrine of Christ to transform our lives and relationships."
Much of the first part of Goddard’s book gives hope in the idea that if we strive to study the life of Christ and become like him, we will improve our relationships, especially our marriages.  I feel like the key to a successful marriage, then, is remembering the Golden Rule, treating others as we would be treated.  Things like thinking more about the other person than ourselves and becoming selfless and less selfish.  This is a pretty easy principle to understand and even dedicate ourselves to.  But what happens when it seems that no matter how much we are focused on treating the other person kindly, turning away wrath with a soft answer, and going the extra mile, is unnoticed or trampled on?  It takes two committed people working at these principles for them to effectively strengthen or save a marriage.  And this is where the Gottman book appears to fortify these principles.  If a couple is struggling with how to apply Christlike principles in their marriage, the Gottman book can break it down and offer practical guidance.
I’m excited to learn more about what both books have to offer and how they fit together in a plan to strengthen any marriage.  I’m sure I’ll be reporting more on my impressions as I get further into these books.
Gottman, John M., Ph.D, and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (New York, New York, Harmony Books, 2015).

Goddard, H. Wallace, Ph.D, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage – Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships (Cedar Hills, Utah, 2009).

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