The Definition of Marriage

  vs.   
This week we are examining the Supreme Court ruling on marriage, which is officially called Obergefell v. Hodges.  Notice I called it the Supreme Court ruling on marriage and not the Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage.  The ruling affected all marriage, not just legalizing new forms of marriage.  But before I go there, I want to back up and try to explore my own feelings on the subject.
My first awareness of gay relationships was in middle school.  There were rumors that my very favorite teacher was gay.  He wasn’t openly gay, and nobody really knew for sure.  A couple of years later in high school, it seemed to be a well-known, but only whispered, fact, that my school counselor and my P.E. teacher were lifelong companions.  I had no conflicts or confusion over these discoveries.  Life was full of experiences outside of what I was taught to be right.  And although I knew that these relationships weren’t “right”, I put them in the same category as people who didn’t believe the Joseph Smith story. They just didn’t know better.  I was taught to be tolerant and polite to those who believed differently than I did.  I was also taught to hold strong to my beliefs and not to let acceptance and tolerance weaken my own principles.
Sometime between the vote to legalize gay marriage in California (which lost, by the way), and the Supreme Court decision mentioned above, I was working as a mobile Notary Public. I brought loan documents to borrowers' homes and spent about an hour with them assisting them to sign, and then I notarized their documents.  Through the years I was sent to several gay households.  One in particular stood out to me.  There was a couple of elderly gentlemen in Oakland who had been together for over 40 years.  They were visibly nervous about what my reaction might be to their living arrangement.  Of course I treated them no differently than any other couple.  After a few minutes they relaxed and even became friendly.  The signing went well and I left feeling like I had made sincere friends.  Later they sent an effusive letter to the loan company praising the way I handled the appointment.  I don’t know why they were so surprised.  Two things impressed me about my visits to gay couples in their homes during those years.  One was that they weren’t like the in-your-face gay couples you see so many times in the news.  And I don’t mean that they “knew their place.”  They were fully active in their communities and churches.  Many of them had children. They lived and worked just like everyone else.  They kept their sex lives private, just like most heterosexual couples I know. The second thing that impressed me about these couples was that because the law didn’t recognize their living arrangement at that time, they missed out on some rights that they probably deserved to have.  I wasn’t ready to advocate for their rights.  I just felt like that was a sacrifice they had to make for their choices.
So where do I fall in the gay marriage issue?  I believe the definition of marriage, God’s definition of marriage, is between one man and one woman. I think there should be a legal term for gay partnerships that is fully binding, but a different word than marriage.  I think that gay couples should have every legal right as other couples, like hospital visitation, tax exemptions, and all the other family benefits involved. I think the Supreme Court overreached their authority and actually missed a great opportunity to protect gay rights, as well as traditional marriage.  I believe that gay couples and families should be treated with respect.  I would like to be able to view them the same way God views them.  The same way he views me.  That we are his children, we have divine potential, and none of us is perfect yet.
Readings I recommend for information on the issue:
M. Russell Ballard, The Eternal Importance of Family: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2018/01/the-eternal-importance-of-family?lang=eng
Russel M. Nelson, Disciples of Jesus Christ – Defenders of Marriage: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson_disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-marriage/

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